As I ponder global ecological breakdown, miniaturized attack drones, genetically enhanced humans, weaponized viruses, and cloned dinosaurs (I was, after all, asked to write about “convictions and concerns”), I am slightly comforted by the thought that the human race may simply be preparing the way for the cockroaches.
Which leads me to the first of two ideas I’ll share.
First, beneath the cycles of violence we perpetuate on the world around us, there is the violence we perpetuate on ourselves through thoughts such as:
I am not worthy.
I have been wronged.
I am damaged.
I am not loved.
I am a victim.
I am a failure.
Myriad more examples exist. Choose one from your own life that stands in the background waiting for an opportunity to assert itself. When I wrote about Patterns years ago, and remarked that seeing and naming patterns could release us from their hold, I did not consider these more pernicious thoughts. They are like ticks attached to the mind, feeding on our energy. Today, I know friends who have died from such thoughts and even taken the lives of others. In addition are others held for years by cycles of thought. To escape, we can counter one cycle with another and/or plunge into the cycle and expose its reality.
Can we stop the rotation of the Earth by simply recognizing that it rotates? Surely not. Can we stop it by repeating to ourselves “The Earth is not rotating”? Afterall, I convinced myself “I am a failure” so now I’ll convince myself of the opposite. I’ll counter force with force. As an example, I stand in front of the mirror each day and say, “I will succeed.” I do not discount this method. Its success depends upon the strength of the force that holds the cycle in place, and one’s determination in following through.
I may also explore the very essence of the cycle and plunge into the space from which “I am a failure” emerges. This is an experiential journey, not an intellectual one and may lead to past, forgotten events which engrained a survival response and a conviction to which we’ve been held captive since. There are therapeutic and counseling methods that emphasize the experiential rather than intellectual. Another plunge inward is with meditation, first to quiet the mind, then to observe and question the reality of the words and emotions which cloak its essence. This too, may free us from cycles.
“Fine, fine,” you say, “but how does this help me – the determined seeker?” The one who is after Enlightenment rather than an incremental self-improvement. The one who says, “Just show me the truth, whatever it may be.” The one who stands facing a solitary self-identify, or an unblinking awareness, or a void, or blackness. Where is the cycle? Where is the force that holds that pattern?
Tell us Hobo Johnson:
Their brains get so big
That they begin to understand these really scary concepts
And one of these concepts is that they’re going to…
DIE
And what’s scarier than knowing you’re going to die?
Nothing, to me
So one day, this guy’s like, “You know what? I’m gonna create something that makes me not afraid of dying,” right?
Though Hobo Johnson points reproaching finger at religion, long before that we created the idea of a self, and this self believes it is immortal despite all the evidence to the contrary. This self is a shape-shifter: one that would rather be a victim than dead, expand to fill the universe or shrink to hide from inquiry. A self whose very existence related to another tidbit that passed my desk recently: the mortality paradox (thanks to a tantalizing and, fittingly, ultimately frustrating NPR podcast.
The mortality paradox being that it is impossible for us to conceive of our death because, try as we might, there is always an observer watching the funeral, or watching us in the afterlife, or even watching what we imagine to be nothingness. Said mortality paradox could fittingly be called the “nonduality paradox” as well. Try, try, try, but there’s always an observer present. So what does one do? Proclaim the observer immortal.
“It is indeed impossible to imagine our own death; and whenever we attempt to do so we can perceive that we are in fact still present as spectators. … [Therefore] at bottom no one believes in his own death … [for] in the unconscious every one of us is convinced of his own immortality.” ~ Sigmund Freud (1915)
“It is quite impossible for a thinking being to imagine nonbeing, a cessation of thought and life, in this sense, everyone carries the proof of his own immortality within himself.” ~ Goethe
That force being a past event that I interpreted as an attack and subsequent failure on my part for which I have never forgiven myself.
The self is attacked, threatened with what seems like death and will do whatever it takes to survive. Thus, it is preferable to be a “victim” rather than cease existing entirely.