I was in love twice. The key word being “in,” as in engulfed by it. If you haven’t experienced total infatuation and single-minded obsession, then you’ve missed what teachers and parents like to call a “learning experience.” I’ve come to define a learning experience as any disaster you happen to survive.
Some love is like a dog following a scent or a mouse gathering seed. This fall, I surprised a pair of house mice that wiggled their way into a bag of grass seed. They were quickly transporting it, mouthful by mouthful, out of my garage and into their nest. Can you imagine their feeling of wallowing in food? I shouldn’t project the feeling of ecstasy upon them, but surely some equivalent of excitement, happiness, and desire was present.
Is our love any different than that of feasting mice? Yes! We have a higher love! We experience the magnificent feeling of cradling another human being in our arms, not in ownership, but in service. The search for meaning and purpose ends when we find our meaning in service to another. Imagine being alone in a boat and rowing towards a far away shore for no reason. You row and you row, but don’t know why you should bother. Suddenly, a passenger appears. They start rowing. Obviously, they need to get to shore, so you start rowing with vigor. Now you have purpose!
Love as acquisition, passion, or desire, then love as sacrifice – two different uses of the word. I love chocolate and I love the curve of a woman’s legs versus a person who loves their children. We should ban the first use of the word and make the second only whispered.
“If you love someone set them free” – now there is real love for you. By that definition, I’ve only been in love once. The first time was only obsession and need. I was in a lonely boat with no purpose, then another person appeared. The thought of being alone drove me to cling to her. The second time, I realized there were simply two lonely people in a boat clinging to each other.
Sometimes we are like greedy mice and sometimes we are like scared mice. Once in a while we surprise everyone and let the cat eat us.
Eating and being eaten – is that the way of love? Is that what it means to be in relationship with others? What about the electricity in the air, and the feeling that all the world and time are circling round you and your love; that there is nothing else but the two of you in this moment?
From where did that feeling arise? From outside or inside? Was love projected into you by another person or arise from you? You already know the answer.
Richard Rose (with a nod to Gurdjieff) talked about the levels of man: the first two being the Instinctive and Emotional man. The Instinctive are those who eat and the Emotional are those who are eaten. The third level was the Philosophic or Scientific man – those who study the process of eating. The fourth level was the sly man. As seekers of truth, that’s what we want to be – the sly man.
Let’s get back in our metaphorical boats, only this time we are both paddling our own craft. We are not paddling towards the shore, though. We’re paddling backwards and away from the shore. Since we’re using this analogy let’s use it for all it’s got. You’re paddling backwards because you are seeking truth by backing away from untruth. This is an incredibly important and practical concept expressed at least three thousand years ago in the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad as “Not This, Not This,” and more recently by Richard Rose as “the reverse vector.” By turning our head from what is not true, we will come to what is.
The sly seekers paddle backwards – separately, but together. The path seems lonely because we do not allow ourselves to forget our situation – paddling alone in a great unknown. Yet, what an adventure and how fortunate are we to find friends along the way.
Now back to love. I implied that love rose from within you, so what is it? Don’t sages say the universe is love? That God is love? I say you’re in love all the time. It’s not emanating from people or objects, though they may serve as a temporary key to unlock your feeling. Love is our feeling for the substance or motion of creation. Whether you agree or argue with that doesn’t matter one whit. You’re in it, but you won’t find it by believing these words. Keep backing away and all will be well.