There were least three periods of deep hopelessness and frustration in my search. Periods where I felt at the end of a particular way of seeking and didn’t know what to do next. I think these are what Mr. Rose referred to as plateaus. Where the warrior rests under a tree and gathers his strength for the next campaign. Trouble was, I was never sure if I was gathering strength for the next battle or falling asleep under the tree.
Athletes run into plateaus. A man may exercise for months and develop 19- inch biceps. Suddenly, his gains stop. Despite doing more repetitions and adding more weight, his biceps grow no larger. He may conclude that he is at his limit and settle for 19-inch biceps. If he is lucky, he has bodybuilding friends or reads the literature and realizes he has plateaued. He procrastinates, though, because breaking through the plateau means finding a new way to exercise – new stances, new diets, and maybe even a new gym.
I find the spiritual plateau little different from the physical plateau. It is a cause for celebration because we have exhausted a prior method of search. We have worn out a tool with our diligent work. It is also a cause for much frustration if there are no new tools in sight. Our old ways no longer work, yet we have not found a new way. We are stuck, treading water.
Everyone will hit plateaus. The danger is in spending too much time there. The trick is to be willing to try anything that might help. When we are frustrated and angry at our lack of progress, we often reject the people who could help. The temptation will be there, as well, to watch tv, or see a movie, go on a date, or do whatever we think is fun. Go ahead, the change might remind you why you got involved in the spiritual life in the first place. Be honest, though, and recognize when you start to waste time – when you start chasing pleasure.
My last year living on the Farm was pretty dark and hopeless. I no longer had Mr. Rose to inspire me, I no longer wanted to watch my mind with my mind, I was at a spiritual dead end. I lost my sense of direction; lost the thread I was following. I kept trying the same old techniques – like man using a screwdriver that doesn’t fit the screw. My options were: give up, continue to use the old methods, or find a new way.
Continuing to use the old methods is not really an option. It is a stalling technique that eventually leads to giving up or finding a new way.
Some people maintain that once one begins the spiritual search they can never give up. Maybe so, but I do know that people waste years trying to give up or taking extended “vacations.”
What we want is to find a new way. During my last year on the Farm, that led to a reevaluation of previously dismissed ways of seeking. Specifically, I had disdained nature mysticism despite my fondness for the outdoors. In desperation, I returned to the woods and found a new source of inspiration. I was willing to try anything.
Consider the plateau a necessary part of progress. Think of it as hiking a trail. We hike so vigorously that we eventually run out of trail, so we pitch our tent and take a break. It feels like a break since there is no longer an open path to quickly follow. It is not really a break, though, because every day we scout around looking for a new trail. We are resting, but at the same time exploring and watching for a new path. Our pace of seeking has temporarily slowed.
We act in the face of apparent hopelessness. Some days we would rather hide out in our tent. Keep looking. It is as the Commitment paper says – all manner of unforeseen opportunities will arise.