The worst feedback loop I encountered was that of fatigue and depression. Nothing brought my spiritual search to a standstill faster. If I got tired, I got depressed because I had little physical energy. When depression hit, I got tired. One fed upon the other until I was reduced to a soggy heap which barely got out of bed.
Mr. Rose sometimes spoke of depression as the truest state of mind. When a person was depressed they were close to seeing the reality of the world. I say there are two types of depression. One is a glimpse of reality while another is more self-induced. The self-induced depression hinges on a lack of faith in our ability to succeed. That lack of faith was always lurking in me, waiting for an opportunity to arise.
Some days I was simply tired and did not want to read, or meditate, or talk to anyone. That was the invitation for the thought that I was weak and unable to attain a spiritual realization. The thought of my failure was depressing, and the downward spiraling chain of failure/depression/weakness began.
Other days, a dark mood would settle on me. Perhaps the gloomy weather or even something I ate caused this. The dark mood generated dark thoughts of failure that quickly depleted my energy.
Sometimes, I observed this happening and the observation gradually dissolved the dark mood. Generally, though, the gathering clouds of hopelessness overwhelmed my powers of observation.
An effective method that I did not utilize enough, was that of taking a break. By that, I mean simply putting down the book, getting out of bed, standing up from meditation, and relaxing. Go visit friends, see a movie, go out to dinner, or simply go someplace else. This is when it is good to have a spiritual group of friends who, while they may go out for a beer with you, will not offer the temptation of getting drunk every night.
You created a feedback loop of negativity and you must break that loop. By breaking the loop, there is a chance to gain perspective on the cycle – to see it as other than you. The depression is not you. You may observe that directly, or you may observe by sidestepping the depression.
Taking a break is as necessary as relentless searching. The art of seeking is like the art of boxing. There are feints and sidesteps, all-out brawls, and even intermissions between rounds.