There was a movie in the early nineties called “The Laws of Gravity.” The gist of it was a fellow trying to raise himself from the life of a hoodlum. His friends continued a life of crime, however, and in trying to help them he was drawn back into their drama – eventually to be gunned down on the street. It is the title that haunts me, and its implication that you cannot escape the company you keep.
Obviously, if you are on a spiritual path, the “laws of gravity” can drag you down. To embark on a spiritual search, you need time and assistance – no different than if you wanted to become a photographer, for example. You will want to read books, meet people with experience, and experiment with different methods. If your drinking buddy shows up at the doorstep every other night, you won’t have time for your new interest. You need the strength to tell him no, and the willingness to let that friendship go if a new basis for it cannot be found.
I recall a friend from college-days who called me after a couple of year’s absence. He reminisced about the good times we had indulging in the pleasant haze of alcohol and wanted to visit me, but I invented an excuse to delay and never called him back. I turned my back to him and that was considered harsh by some of my friends. Yet, I was trying to build a new life, that of a spiritual seeker – embarking on a new career that required all my energy to have a hope for success. We do not realize how weak and easily distracted we are – little better than recovering alcoholics. The company we keep will either drag us down or lift us up.
Only now, after years of work and change, do I allow myself to indulge the desires of others. I may go to a baseball game, or share a drink with an old friend. He enjoys it, and there is little concern I will make a habit out of it.
I am sure this sounds condescending. We are rather shy these days about labeling one person better than another. Everyone has potential, talents or gifts; there are different ways of measuring intelligence and success. Everyone can learn and we can learn from everyone. I don’t dispute this, but do say that we must choose what we wish to learn from others.
What do you owe your old friends? What was the basis of that friendship? In what life direction is that friendship leading? Where should your loyalty lay?