If you know me, you know I’m a believer in the concept of the path of spiritual progress. Not that there was a bright uphill line I followed, but that good old hard work, effort, perseverance, and honesty paid off – just like your mom might say. Yet, in spirituality I find an increasing polarity between dogmatic step-by-step/stay-within-the-line practices and practices that, well, advise practicing nothing at all.
The path of spiritual progress is littered with those doggedly chanting mantras for twenty-five years; it is likewise littered with those muttering, “I am that which I seek.” The later muttering is the first of two conceptions I will address. Waylaid by good intentions, the “I am already that” crowd has fallen under the spell of some sage trying a shortcut to wisdom or trying to assuage impatient Westerners. The cat is out of the bag that there is nothing to do, nothing to become, and you are that which you already seek. The spiritual search is over and, in fact, was the main impediment to realizing what was right in front of you the whole time. So there you have it: mission accomplished. How does that make you feel? Are you satisfied? Content? Are you better off now than you were while the cat was bagged? Can you stand with ease in the face of your oblivion? Do you see what you really are? Has that seeing penetrated your bones such that you have become a part of it rather that it becoming a part of you? Instead of you getting the truth, has the truth gotten you?
A second conception out of the proverbial bag is that you are awareness. Once again, some smiling, well-intentioned guru has led the thirsty horse of your ego to the trough and you’re lapping up assurance. If you are lucky, you’ve seen that thought is a thing apart from you. Likely as not, most people simply believe they are that which they seek. They either accept or reject such a bold statement. Awareness, however, is a beast of practical experience and seeing is far better than simply believing. There is observation of thought and therefore you must be that which sees. You are superior to the words and images that flash through the mind. Are you satisfied with that conclusion? Content? Are you better off now than you were? Is it the thought of being the observer that brings you peace or the experience of being the observer?
Let’s look at thought versus experience. The phone rings. A voice tells you a loved one is dead. The words cascade through your body. Yes, you finally say, he is dead – parroting the words you heard from another. You imagine not seeing your loved one again. You review your memories and tell yourself they are gone. Words beget tears that eventually stabilize under the weight of grief. Then, later, you stand in front of a body, or a closed coffin, or a gravestone and this undeniable fact pounds through your imagination; becomes reality. You are forever changed.
That’s what a spiritual realization, an awakening, is: an undeniable fact that pounds through your imagination.
Back to our first concept: you are that which you already seek. It’s true, but you can’t just smile and nod your head. Let’s strip the phrase down to its implications. Can you stand in front of the coffin of those words? You are that which you already seek. Can you stand in front of their glory? You are God. Indefinable. Unmanifested. Unimaginable. Unparticularized. You are all; you are nothing. Now remove the word “you.” Without a “you” where does that leave you?
Now for our second concept: you are awareness. This statement is a little less prone to blind belief, because you can experience it for yourself. Studying the mind eventually leads to the observation and recognition of patterns – of the automatic nature of thoughts. When you see parts of your “self” as clearly as seeing a street lamp, you won’t mistake those street lamp thoughts for your “self” anymore. This is not an easy discovery. There are a lot of thoughts, feeling, memories (or whatever words you partition the mind with) that we hold dearly. Yet honest observation reveals that the observed is not the observer. You are the observer; you are awareness. This is a revelation.
Yet you are not done. The watcher is also being watched. Honest and diligent meditation will reveal awareness is an object of awareness – a ballet of awareness watching awareness. Which are you? The answer to that must be your own discovery. For the ego will claim all words and all experience, and the answer will be a surprise. Only undeniable standing in front of Truth will lead to reality.
So how do you move from conception to reality? How do you stand in front of Truth? For one, accept conceptions as best guesses until further proof comes along. Realize that everything is a conception. Everything. If it appears in your mind, then it’s subject to doubt. No need, though, to be paralyzed by indecision. The attitude is to work with your “highest light” until something better comes along. This is truly keeping an open mind. How do you recognize “something better?” Sometimes it is obvious, like walking around a mud puddle rather than through it. Sometimes it requires intuition, which you hone through use and through conserving and directing your energy. And how do you do that? You let fall by the wayside anything not in alignment with you highest goal. And how do you know your highest goal? Well, my friend, you stand on a hill at night and watch the stars, let your mind drift, then see the obvious.
There are moments in your life where you know what is important and what is not. Remembering these moments is the fundamental spiritual practice. All hard work, effort, perseverance, and honesty flow from the automatic “yes” of seeing our deepest desire.