That magician, that liar who juggles joy with pain and hope with fire and acceptance with dissatisfaction. But that’s the armchair view again. Down here, in the water, drowning, falling, gasping, fighting, raging, tumbling, feeling so hopeless to be alive and to know I will die. Even as I begin to feel the flow that surrounds the tumult riding between the high, open air and the quiet, dark depths Carried between everything and nothing Neither of which will let me live.